Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
