i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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