Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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