I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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