well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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