i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
