Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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