my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
