i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
