Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
