My cat gives me a boner
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
