i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
