I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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