I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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