Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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