I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
