Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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