She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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