Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
