I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
