i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
