You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize