so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
