I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
