i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
