I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
