I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
