I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
