my phone needs a breathalizer
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
