I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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