i just wanna soil my oats bro
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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