the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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