youre lurking in front of me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
