went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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