ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
