Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she smelled like a LAN party
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize