1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
