One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
