you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
