I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
