found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
