I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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