I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
