True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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