She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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