So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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