think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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