everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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