It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
