Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
