dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
