Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
