I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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