he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
