i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
