we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
