I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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