she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
