11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
