I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
