matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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