Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
