K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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