You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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