I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
