After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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