Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
