At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize