I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
