It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
