I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize