You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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