You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
