Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
